This 1996 patent aims to give children a way to capture Santa

first_imgThe Season is upon us, and across the world, plum-cheeked children lay bright-eyed in their beds, unable to sleep in anticipation not just of Santa’s imminent arrival…. but that this might be the year they finally capture and imprison the terrifying magical fat man once and for all.What? You say your children don’t think about that? Of course they do. Even children can see that Santa is a house invader and a pervert, and it is only natural that they should be distrustful of an omnipotent man who sneaks into their bedrooms at night, promising “toys” if they’re “nice.”Why not just end his reign of terror once and for all? Greed. Santa may be a terrifying deviant, but he’s also got a magical toy generating ability that sprogs covet. If only they could imprison Santa, keep him locked up in the basement, feeding him scraps of gingerbread in slavish exchange for an infinite library of toys, anytime they want.It’s the knowledge that children want to imprison Santa that compelled inventor Thomas Crane to file a patent in 1996 for a “Santa Claus Detector.” The detector was a tripwire strung between two stockings in front of the fireplace: if Santa comes down the chute, the detector would start flashing.Crane never actually started making these, which I think is a shame: kids all over the world would buy one, underestimating the extent of Santa’s eerie powers and the terrible, homicidal anger of his rage. Foolish children. You can’t capture Santa.Read more at USPTO (via Gizmodo)last_img read more